Dear Charlie, things are not working out for you. I said a prayer for you today. (really) You need to stop this reckless behavior before you kill yourself. No one wants that. Please get some help. Many, many folks have been delivered from the abyss of addiction, myself included. If it’s the money that is tripping you up, feel free to send it all to me for safe keeping. My paypal address is email@example.com. I will put it all to good use.