Girls, Jesus Loves You, Even If Your Pastor Doesn’t

I read a quote today that made me want to gag. In her review of Mark & Grace Driscoll’s book “Real Marriage“, former Mars Hill women’s ministry leader Wendy Alsup says the following:

“Mark said in the same Acts 29 Bootcamp message referenced earlier that the pastor’s wife has the “most important job” in a new church — “having sex with the church planter.”
Wendy goes on to ask the following question: “I wonder what the Driscoll’s story would be if Grace became incapacitated long term.”

The focus on sex as being so incredibly important in marriage, and to men, is, in my opinion, frighteningly far off course from what the bible and Jesus teaches. Jesus, in fact elevated the role of women in society. Almost all of what women enjoy in terms of cultural equality and worth comes from His teaching. Jesus honored the woman at the well in the face of cultural bias. Jesus honored women who were notorious sinners in the same way that he embraced men who were sinners. Jesus honored and cared for His mother in His final hour. The Apostle Paul taught us that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church – an indication of loving sacrifice.

As a husband, and the father of four daughters, the idea that sexual performance is elevated to the primary function of a married woman is offensive to me. My guess is, that it is pretty offensive to women as well. Sex is an important part of a healthy, loving marriage, the bible is clear on that. But the over emphasis of it is unhealthy, and in my opinion, detrimental to the goal of a loving relationship. Missing is the idea of mutual submission, servitude, and self control.

Ladies, Jesus sees you as much more than a pin cushion for your husband, or future husband. While the world markets you as sexual objects created for the enjoyment of men, you must realize that this is a lie of the Devil. You are, in fact, a precious and wonderful gift. You are princesses, and queens, partners and friends, to be loved and cherished, by those enlightened enough to see you as daughters of the King.

If you are troubled in soul, or body, or if you are wounded, and unable to be as healthy as you would like… you are all the more loved, and all the more recipients of God’s grace.
Girls, rest in the knowledge that Jesus loves you, He has grace for you, and it is enough.


11 thoughts on “Girls, Jesus Loves You, Even If Your Pastor Doesn’t

  1. Thank you so much for posting this! As a woman and a mother of 3 daughters I am completely offended by what Mark said. It makes my heart happy to know that the church that I attend is equally as appalled by his statement.

  2. I think it is important, and Wendy makes this clear, these were 2007 comments. I know that Mark has made many statements that indicate he has repented of past statements. I just continue to see a pattern to the contrary. Wendy does a good job supporting this in her article.
    I’m not Marks judge, but I can make judgement on his public statements from a biblical perspective.

    1. Despite his pronouncements for public consumption, is there any credible proof of his repentance, such as going to those he has wronged to seek forgiveness and restore them?

      Unless there is, then by his own teaching, he has not repented.

  3. Dude, it was a joke. If someone spends an hour talking about something, one of the basic rules of public speaking is to toss in a joke or some kind of absurdity every once in a while to retain people’s attention. Taking a one-liner out of context is what you do when you have a pre-set agenda that you want to reinforce. Believing a one liner that someone else like Wendy Alsup took out of context is just kind of bogus and cheap. You would have a stronger argument if you were basing it on something more comprehensive.

    I’ve gone to mars hill for years, and there are things I’m not a big fan of, but it drives me nuts when people form strong lengthy opinions based on hearsay and reading some articles from a distance. People who think Mark degrades women are amost always people who don’t actually attend mars hill, don’t have any first-person experience on the topic they are discussing, and just want to sound relevant by talking about mars hill. I’m sure you’ve done more research than most people, but still, this whole blog post is a straw man argument.

    Ugh, I’m just tired of the b.s. No one wants to talk about useful and relevant points Mark has made about Jesus or anything positive whatsoever, because that’s not interesting. It’s hip to bash mars hill. No one wants to spend time doing any actual research because the goal isn’t truth; the goal is to sound cool by bashing mars hill.

    I certainly don’t have the dedication and love for humanity that Mark has. If i dedicated my life to ministry and preaching the gospel of jesus christ, and all anyone cared about was attacking me for out of context quotes, I’d give up after a year or two. I’d say screw you guys, I don’t care if you hear the gospel and get saved. But Mark puts up with that crap year after year, never gets distracted, and continues to focus on Jesus. It’s kind of amazing.

    I’m not an instant follower of anything that comes out of mars hill, but I’ve seen a lot of this recently and i just wish people were actually seeking truth, doing real research, and caring about things that actually matter.

    1. Doug, thanks for your comments. If it was a joke, it was a pretty stupid one. If it were an isolated stupid comment that would be different, but MD has a long history of talking about sex in more than mildly controversial ways. I follow him on twitter. He uses the word sex more than anyone I know. His visions about violent sex, his take on SOS,… It adds up.
      I think he presents an unhealthy take on sex and marriage and demeans women. As far as attacking him, I think he asks for it. If you want to be sensational, it comes with the territory.
      I wish he would stick to talking about Jesus, and give the sensational graphic sex stuff, the same weight the scriptures do… but that’s my opinion, your mileage may vary.

      1. I don’t know about twitter posts and I haven’t read the book, but I’ve been attending service for like 8 years and sex doesn’t really come up that often. There was the song of solomon sermon series a year or two ago, and right now he’s doing the Real Marriage series. Besides that, it’s really all about jesus. And even during these sermon series’, it’s still about jesus. I think the perspective of listening to sermons every sunday vs an outside perspective of quotes and snippets and topical books. And that’s a valid point, even if the outside perspective doesn’t match the reality of what’s being preached, they should still consider that the snippets are actually reaching a larger audience and try to do something about it.

        Thousands of people have met Christ through mars hill, thousands of people have been baptized, got married, had babies, grown in their faith, etc. The theology is good and people are meeting jesus. If the theology was bad, guys like john piper and tim keller wouldn’t be associating themselves with mark. The outside perspective doesn’t match what’s actually going on. People who actually attend mars hill are the only ones who see reality. Having first hand knowledge of the depth of mars hill’s theology and the families that make up the body of the church, it’s just hard watching mars hill get attacked for out of context quotes and general sensationalism. If anyone really cared as much as they claim to, they would be willing to attend service at mars hill every sunday for an entire month. Then they could actually say something. But no one actually cares that much. It’s easier to just bash mars hill from a distance, like The Stranger,, etc

  4. Doug, consider this… you call me a basher for one public comment.

    It’s the weight and totality of the comments that I am responding to.
    Junior highish conversations like this:

    1. Yeah see, that’s what I mean about how they could do a better job controlling outsider perspective. For everyone who attends mars hill and listens to full sermons regularly, the theology is good and everything’s well balanced, and sex doesn’t come up that often. But controversial stuff gets in the media, videos get made, jokes and absurdities are tossed around, and outsider perspective gets messed up because the exposure making it out the door is imbalanced. Media is always going to jump on something that they know people will want to read an article about. Mark has written lots of books entirely unrelated to sex, but The Stranger isn’t writing articles about the content of those books because it doesn’t make for an interesting sensationalist article.

      I know you’re a good guy and I trust your judgment. It’s just that judgments are getting made based on imbalanced perception, and that fault lies partially with mars hill and partially with the media. It’s a bummer that the good things that are happening within mars hill don’t get publicity because they’re not interesting. And when people (especially christians) start attacking mars hill for stuff, it bugs me because I know non-christians are watching and it prevents them from coming to mars hill (in person) and hearing about jesus. I know a lot of people who were non-christians and came to mars hill just out of curiosity, and ended up getting saved. controversy like this deters people from casually stopping by and hearing about jesus.

      1. I agree with your good points about MH, much good for the kingdom is being done. But the clips, anecdotes, and testimonies, are piling up. I’m not trying to pile on, or add to the negative impression of MH or MD, but to comment and correct what I see, from what I read and hear from fans and frenemies of the guy, what seems to me to be a bad bent, and an irresponsible teaching.
        Thanks for your thoughtful and respectful push back Doug.

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